Linkin Park - Numb

gan, hari ini aku ga tau mao posting apa..
ni lagi dengerin lagu numb nya linkin park..
check this out:

I'm tired of being what you want me to be
Feeling so faithless, lost under the surface
I don't know what you're expecting of me
Put under the pressure of walking in your shoes

(Caught in the undertow just caught in the undertow)
Every step that I take is another mistake to you
(Caught in the undertow just caught in the undertow)

I've become so numb I can't feel you there
Become so tired so much more aware
I'm becoming this all I want to do
Is be more like me and be less like you

Can't you see that you're smothering me?
Holding too tightly, afraid to lose control
?Cause everything that you thought I would be
Has fallen apart right in front of you

(Caught in the undertow just caught in the undertow)
Every step that I take is another mistake to you
(Caught in the undertow just caught in the undertow)
And every second I waste is more than I can take

I've become so numb I can't feel you there
Become so tired so much more aware
I'm becoming this all I want to do
Is be more like me and be less like you

And I know I may end up failing too
But I know you were just like me
With someone disappointed in you

I've become so numb I can't feel you there
Become so tired so much more aware
I'm becoming this all I want to do
Is be more like me and be less like you

I've become so numb I can't feel you there
I'm tired of being what you want me to be
I've become so numb I can't feel you there
I'm tired of being what you want me to be

lagu ini dalem banget lyric nya gan..
kasian, terlalu dikekang..
jadi teringat ama mamaku..
mamaku orang nya suka ngekang gan (ini aku ada di kampung gan, ketemu papa mama)..
jujur aja gan, aku dulu (sebelum masuk kuliah) orangnya minder gan..
awalnya ga tau darimana asal keminderan ini, tapi setelah aku pikir2, ingat2...
ternyata dari mamaku..
mamaku yg mbuat aku ga pernah pergi2 ma temen2 (kutu buku)..
mamaku yg mbuat aku males ngomong2 ma keluargaku (kalo diajak ngomong sama orang rumah, aku dulu sering jawab "mboh", artinya ga tau)..


ga cuman aku gan..
kakak2ku juga merasakan dampaknya..
kakakku yang pertama sih cuek aja ama mamaku..
jadi ga terlalu kena, tapi kakakku yang ke2 kena, gara2 waktu kecil sering dimarah i, ngapain2 ga boleh, dia ga isa jadi orang yg dewasa, walaupun umurnya sekarang 24 tahun, tapi kelakuannya kayak anak umur 13 tahun, aku juga heran gan..
padahal kakakku yang 1 ini dia juga kuliah disurabaya gan, dia jarang ketemu ama mama, tapi kok sampe sekarang ga ada perkembangan..
menurutku kakakku ga isa mikir..
ga isa tau mana yg terbaek, ga isa menimbang buat dirinya sendiri..
apa itu efek dari mama?
mungkin..

kalo aku sudah berubah gan..
hehehe..
sekarang aku kalo diajak ngomong sering jawab..
soalnya komunitasku waktu di surabaya gan..
kakakku juga disurabaya juga punya komunitas gan, tapi entahlah orang itu..
tetep kayak anak kecil..
males gan, punya kakak tapi kayak anak kecil, kudu jadi babysitter..
bah, aku paling ga suka gan..
padahal sudah seriing gan dia aku suruh buat beajar masak ato belajar ngitung pengeluaran perbulan..
tapi ga pernah di lakkuin..
argh, stress mikir kakakku gan..
udah ah